The Chinese international student who has been living with our family for the past 11 months will be heading home in 2 weeks. It has been a wonderful experience and I recommend it to any family that is looking to broaden their knowledge of another culture and giving a student the opportunity of a lifetime.
Here are some lessons that we have taken away from this experience:
-Acclimating to the new time zone is hard, it will take 2 weeks for the student to adjust.
-Making friends is challenging at the beginning, do not force your biological children and the new student to "be friends" let that happen naturally or not at all, living with someone is more like a sibling relationship which does not often lend itself to the friendship role.
-Be consistent with your lifestyle. If you did not eat vegetables with each meal, don't try and start now because you think it is "what you are supposed to do". It will exhaust you and make the homestay seem unnatural.
-Do not put your Western culture norms on the student. Allow them to keep the part of themselves that will ultimately help them succeed throughout the year. ( Our student did not shower every day and we learned to adjust to that.)
- Do allow your student to have time for things that remind them of home. Our student missed Chinese food ( not Panda Express) so we found a Chinese market and made sure we always stocked food that he liked. We also added a chop stick category to our silverware drawer. These things helped a little bit with the culture shock.
- Encourage your student to try new things. They are in the states to have the experience. Our student did not like American breakfast foods. No eggs and bacon, no biscuits, definitely not any cereals ( we had him try at least 10 brands over the year and he said they were all too sweet) so we didn't make him eat breakfast before school. (He appreciated the extra sleep time in the morning.)
- Try to learn a few words of their language. Even the most basic words will show your student you are trying and you understand how hard it can be to learn something new.
-School is a priority. That is the entire reason the student's parents paid for them to come to America. - Homework is going to be awkward. The student may not want to bother you for help with their assignments so ask them. The pressure of being here coupled with the pressure to do well in school can be overwhelming for an international student. We implemented a daily chart that he had the teachers fill out so that we knew his daily assignments. This alleviated the stress from him (if he didn't understand) and guaranteed that he would get his homework done. ( We learned this lesson a bit too late after he failed the first quarter of classes due to language barriers.)
-Stay in communication with the placement agency. If things are not going well, talk to the agency who placed the student with you. The company places children for a living, they are very adept at identifying bumps in the road and helping to solve them. Don't wait until things are bad and there are misunderstandings and you are ready to send the kid back, let the agency know if something is not going well, ask for help solving it.
-Take pictures. This is a unique experience for your family, include the student in family photo's so you can look back on that time and remember the good times. "remember the year we had the Chinese student, remember how we all learned to use chop sticks that year."
-Teenagers are the same across cultural lines. Boy/girl troubles will happen, Teenagers will stay up too late playing video games. Enforce the same rules you would with your own children. (Electronics went off at 9pm, we had trouble with this concept so we began turning off the internet each night at 9, the lesson was learned pretty quickly.)
-Broaden the student's experience, yes they are in America to go to school and learn English, but when they go home, their friends and family are going to know what it is really like. Take them on outings, to restaurants, to cultural events, on road trips. These are the memories that your student will take back home with them. (Even if they don't seem eager to attend these things, take them any way)
-Know what you are getting in to. If your family likes to travel abroad several times a year, or if you are called away on business 1 weekend each month, decide if hosting an international student is really something will work for your family. (Students here on an international school Visa are not allowed to leave the country and should not be pulled out of school because your family wants to go cross country in a motor home for a month.)
-Do not let the allure of the monthly stipend be a deciding factor in being a host family. Having an additional person in your home is costly and all it takes is a few episodes of backing up the toilet and flooding the downstairs carpet (this happened twice) and the monthly stipend funds are used up with plumber and carpet cleaning. You have to do this because you want to make a difference in the life of a child.
Enjoy your student and enjoy the time you will get to spend with them, a year has gone quickly. I look forward to next year when he comes back. (We have also decided to become a host family to a girl as well). The decision to have 2 of my own teenagers and add in 2 additional teenagers may very well not be the most rational decision I have made, but I wouldn't have it any other way!
