Dynamics between men and women

     Relationships between men and women are complicated.  In grade school a push or shove meant I like you, in middle school it didn't matter if you liked someone you were two awkward to admit it and do anything about it.  The term "do you like them or do you like-like them" came around which left tweens to ponder and assess the difference in like and like-like.  There are the awkward school dances in which the gym is equally divided between boys and girls who desperately want someone to ask them but no one has the courage to walk across the floor and do it.

     High school brings a new found flood of hormones and puberty which culminate in very awkward encounters with the opposite sex.  Those who have not decided if they are into girls or boys have it even harder.  Eventually relationships even out and a familiarity develops, a comfort level and with age brings the knowledge of who you are and what you like in the way of a partner.  Adult relationships among opposite sex friends is a new level of complicated.

   I grew up with guy friends, boys who were just that, friends.  I dated boys who understood that and while they sized up my male friends, never took issue with it.  Things changed when I put on a wedding ring, male/female relationships were no longer ok, or even tolerated.  They were discouraged and I assumed that part of my life was over.  I have since realized that there is something healthy about having the opposite sex friend to bounce ideas off of, joke with and enjoy spending time with.  This is where gay men come in.  The only truly accepted form of male/female friendship.   Oh how I long to have a good gay male friend.  The jealousy that arises is removed, the "gay friend" doesn't want what I have to offer.  Somehow this becomes a safe or neutral zone.  The problem is, I have not found the perfect gay guy friend.  The giant "PREACHERS WIFE" label that I have tattooed on my forehead that makes people not want to dive in and see if it is a possibility.

   I want to explore the "can men and women just be friends" issue.  There are a vast majority of you that say NO, sex will always get in the way.  I stand on the side of YES we can.  I can only speak from my experiences and I have had successful male friends who never crossed the line ever.  The argument of women are in control and men will go as far as the women will let them is valid.  But when boundaries are established early on, there can be successful friendships for years.  Now I will concede that infidelity rates continue to soar because boundaries grow fuzzy.  That is a character flaw not a statement of fact.  There will be times when either friend is vulnerable and the grass is always greener goggles are on.  However in the same way spouses have moments where they cant stand each other, those moments pass and what drew you together in the first place restores to the forefront.

    Before I get down off my soapbox, I would like to thank those men in my life who have been the example that my whole theory is based on, those men who pursued friendship with the integrity that I did.  I thank you. To those men who pursued a friendship with the hopes of it leading to sex, jokes on you, I only have one man with whom I will ever have sex, my best friend, the man who I share my life with, my amazing husband!