Elephant on your back

I saw a commercial about some lung problem, asthma, COPD or chest cold, I don't remember which one.  They showed a elephant standing on a woman's chest.  The image made me think of those days when you are feeling down, how everything is a challenge to do, well today is one of those days.  I feel like I am carrying an elephant on my back.
Not a pig on my back, that gives the connotation of fun (piggy back)
Not a monkey, that gives the connotation of an overwhelming problem or drug use (monkey on your back)  but I think an elephant is the perfect description for today, I feel weighted down.  Luckily I will recover after a good nights sleep, this is not the kind of down day that leads to a spiraling depression, just an off day.

Everyone is entitled to a tough day, tears, moping, sitting in front of a tv and throwing your own pity party, so  to all of you feeling it with me, raise your proverbial glass and toast with me to the elephant on our back.

 And to all you animal rights groups (no elephants were harmed in the making of this blog)

Just a spoon full of compassion makes the world go around

  I think when God was handing out characteristics, I got an extra dose of compassion.  I am able to look at the unlovable an invisible of our society and that is where my heart starts beating.  I just finished watching Pit Bulls and Parolee's.  Before now, I had never had the pleasure of watching this show.  The concept is that Tia, the owner takes the most misunderstood people and animals in our society and pairs them up to run a pit bull sanctuary.  Cool concept.  I don't work with dogs or felons but since both of those populations have probably had abuse in their past, I get the concept.  I work with children who have been victims of childhood abuse, I see what happens to children when the most horrible acts have been their existence.  So I understand that violent reactions come from trauma that has been stuffed down for years.  This week I went to a training on Trauma Informed Care (TIC).  This is a relatively new way of thinking about people who have had trauma in their history and how it effects every moment of every day.  Although probably not clinically trained as a therapist, the owner and star of this tv program showed more TIC naturally than people who have gone to many years of school to be a professional in the field of psychology.  She showed unconditional positive regard for the people and dogs in her world.  Well done Tia, I would stand beside you and work with you any day.

  The greatest thing I took away from the TIC training was that the children I work with are doing their very best, every moment of every day.  I will never know the triggers that suck them into a world of memories of the atrocious things that have happened to them.  When they act out, I need to do a better job of identifying what might be the underlying cause of the attack.  This is a lesson that most people will never get.  They don't want to get.

  I think of a lady at my grocery store who asks me for money every time I shop, year after year she stands out there in the evening asking for money to pay for her motel.  I have never once thought that she is doing the very best she can.  Maybe she grew up living motel to motel.  Perhaps she was raised by a dad who stood on the side of the road with a cardboard sign asking for money, maybe her mom told her every day of her life that she was stupid and worthless and that she would never amount to anything.  Perhaps if I considered that she was doing the absolute best that she could then my opinion would change.     I am going to challenge myself to look at the world through TIC eyes and see if I can swing wider my compassionate heart.

  I have chosen to devote my life to working with abused children, I invest my time with mentally ill, I have written to prisoners, donated my time Habitat for Humanity, gone on mission trips, written to soldiers, volunteered at an animal shelter.  My life is full of things that most people consider "charitable".  I know people who pull out their checkbook and write a check to help "fill in the blank" cause but would never put out a hand to actually work with them.  I dont know why God gave me a heftier dose of compassion but I am glad He did.  The reason we are on this earth is to connect with others, be the change we want to see.

50's birthday party

When your friend turns 60 and wants to have a party, you spring into action and host a 50's style party like no other.

Running away

I have been an avid blog checker and fact finder about running.  I found an article called When will running get fun.  Disappointingly it said, when you can run for 30 minutes straight.  Near impossibility considering my run today was more accurately described as a brisk walk.  Of the 5 miles we walked, barely 1 of that was actually spent running.
   I was happy that I accomplished more than what would qualify as a 5K.  It took 1 and 1/2 hours to complete but still, 5 miles is 5 miles!

  I have been feeling a pain in my ankle area, it feels like my foot wants to drop down instead of hold up.  I have said this for the past 3 weeks and today was worse than any other, I came home and said to my husband, it really feels like my foot doesn't want to hold up.  He said, then stop running on it.  Great idea, I will take up hand stand running.  As I lay in my bed groaning, I googled foot drop for runners.  Much to my surprise, it exists.  It is an actual condition.  So much for those people who are runners, I have been saying this for 3 weeks and nobody told me it was a real thing.  Apparently, disc problems in your lower back can cause it.  Great, I haven't had one problem with my bad back while I was running and now I find out that the one pain that I do have is caused by my bad back.  GRRRRRRH.

  Well I will see if I can continue, there was a gnarly looking brace that some runners wear.  I guess if I got that then I would look like a true runner, someone who has done this long enough to get a real runners injury.

High school football game

Friday night I went to a high school football game.  Now when I was in high school I attended every single football game both home and away games, why you ask? Not because I was such a vivid fan, but I was in the band.  We played in the stands and marched during half time.  Now that I am 20 years removed from high school the experience was different.

It cost 8 dollars to get in, wow inflation doesn't miss anything.  You were not allowed to bring anything food or drink related in the stadium, capitalism at its finest as I paid $4 for candy and water.  The crowd was the same, parents supporting their students and students avoiding their parents.  Roving packs of teenagers all wearing the same things trying desperately to stand out from the crowd.  We took a seat on the concrete bleachers and watched the band play the pregame song.  I was thrilled! GO BAND I wanted to shout.  The band made their way up to the bleachers and the game started, The cheer leaders came out, all long hair, tan skin and short form fitting uniforms.  I remember cheer uniforms being the pleated skirts and covering more, these had almost spagetti straps and cut outs on the top and the skirt was a mini skirt.  Looking down the line at the perky bouncing cheerleaders I wondered if there was a weight requirement and if they had to have long hair.  They announced the football home team and the boys ran through the giant paper to start the game.  I noticed a difference, when I was in school the football players ran through a giant paper, tearing it as they burst forth.  These kids, ran through a banner made of material that had  velcro holding it so when they pushed through it ripped neatly down the middle and was rolled up to use at the next game.  There was also a fog machine that made it look like a rock show.

The game was  the same, a bit of a blow out but the same.  My eyes drifted from the players to the cheerleaders to the band.  As an adult I can now see the inter-connectedness of high school football games.  The band is clearly the low end of the totem pole but they provide the music that the cheerleaders dance too.  The cheerleaders dance to keep the football players interested and the football players play to win the game!  The band is only there to support the football team so it is the circle of life.

Post the stats

Well let me start with the stats.

Running time has gone from 1 mile in 20 minutes down to 4 miles in an hour. (For those of you who have math issues, that is 15 minute mile) Yea!

Secondly, lets not gloss over the fact that I run/walked 4 miles in a row!

Thirdly, I have lost 7 pounds and my J-Lo booty is starting to slim down.

Lastly, I had my first runners injury, well not really an injury, but my ankle was swollen and tender from the 4 miles.  I did take a Motrin to help with the pain so I guess it qualifies as an injury.  The interesting thing is that I said, "doesn't matter, I don't run again until Tuesday so it should be fine by then"  I really am getting the runners bug, I even asked a runner for advice on finding my breath.

  Here is what I have noticed, women tend to run in packs, makes sense, we go to the bathroom in packs so why not run in packs.  Women tend to care what they look like running, hair smoothed back in a pony tail, top and pants are matching, lycra over the jiggly parts, while men don't mind running alone and even though they have a beer gut, they are proudly running down the trail shirtless.  I didn't see one woman running in just a sports bra and shorts, even the model type marathon runner women were covered up.  What is that about?

I am beginning to think that running is expensive.  The shoes, the outfits, the runners pack, all the specialty items for long distance running.  Being a couch potato was much less expensive.

People are telling me their runners stories, a man who ran a marathon with no training, a lady who just qualified for the iron man.  I looked it up, the iron man is running a marathon, swimming 2.4 miles and biking 117 miles.  What the heck! Are these stories meant to inspire?  Cause they don't.  Even the lady who told me she ran a 5K on her 50th birthday doesn't inspire me.  Where are the people who just say Wow, good job, you go girl, that is amazing, I know you can do it.  That is what I need!

I think I am catching the running bug

What is happening to me?  I am starting to like the running.  I like pushing myself to beat the previous time, to push a bit further. 

I am up from my 20 minute mile to an 18 minute mile and a half.  (yes I hear you avid runners snickering in the background) well forget you nay sayers, I am proud of my progress. 

Home Town (diet killer) Buffet

When someone suggested Home Town Buffet for dinner I innocently said sure, there are tons of options, I can make wise choices.  For goodness sake they have an entire bar for salads, how bad can it be. 

I started with the strawberry almond salad which was seriously lacking in almonds and for some reason had mandarin orange slices in it.  That led me to a bit of fish and a spinach casserole.  Not bad I thoughts, yes there is cheese in the spinach but overall this is a wise choice.  Better than the carrots swimming in butter.  I ate those and took a plate to go see what other wise choices I could make.

Then it happened, a small little voice calling to me from the dessert bar.  I brushed it away like a gnat but it persisted, a man came out from the cleverly hidden dessert bar with a cheesecake and ice cream.  It peaked my interest.,  I went over with a full sized plate just intending to look when that still small voice became a full fledged crack dealer smoothly feeding me lines about how I needed this, how good it would taste, how it would make me feel good. 

All will power vanished and I dived into a scoop of peach cobbler (a weakness for any southerner) and then noticed an apple oatmeal crisp.  The voice told me that I would just have a bite of the peach cobbler and then apples and oatmeal is healthy so that would be a better choice.  Then a man moved away and there where he had been was a chocolaty pile of fudgy, cakey goodness.  I no longer needed the crack dealer voice in my head, I was all in.  My regular size plate was full of yummy, sugary sweet treats.  I would love to say that back at my table I only sampled the things on my plate but a better description would be that I was licking the plate clean when the worker came to collect it. 

Fullness set in, that uncomfortable fullness that tells you that you ate too much.  .  But not just that fullness, a fullness filled with knowledge that you have completely killed your diet today.  Well because I am a woman and need the commissary of friends, I text my 3 diet buddies to confess, no confess is not the right word, to warn them that Home Town Buffet is a diet trap and to avoid it at all cost.  Slowly over the next couple of hours I got 3 texts back all confessing their diet failures that day.  A sense of balance found me, the world was right again.  Diets are meant to slow the intake of too many calories or fat grams or whatever you are counting, but like all the best anarchy songs out there sometimes you just got to fight the system. 

I survived

Well I went running, with my new running shoes.
It took me 20 minutes to complete a mile but I did it.

Isn't there supposed to be some kind of runners high? Endorphin's and stuff like that?
Well all I got was tired and sweaty.

But I made it, I have to run again on Thursday so we will see if the fact that I survived was a fluke or if I can do it again tonight.

(it just dawned on me that actual runners probably don't say things like "I have to run again on Thursday" they probably say "I am so excited that I get to go running tonight" )

Baby steps for me! Is there such a thing as baby running steps?

Do not read page 108, trust me, put the magazine down.

A friend and I were lounging by the pool reading magazines when I came across an article promising to help drop 2 dress sizes permanently.  My friend said, whatever it says, we are going to do.  Flipping to page 108 I discovered (much to my dismay) Run a Half-Marathon.  So we went to the mall and bought running shoes and decided that we were going to do this.  Run a Half- Marathon.

I turn 40 next year so it was decided that we would do this before I turned 40.  Sounds like a bucket list type of goal right? I am always up for checking a bucket list item off my list.  What I failed to consider in my sunny poolside coma, is that RUNNING IS HARD.  I do not have a runners body, I do not run. period.  Perhaps the fact that I didn't own runners shoes should have been a clue but no, I was swept away with the idea of it.

The only time I have run in the past is if someone is chasing me and even then if I have pepper spray I am not going to run.  So what would make me think at 39, I should train for a half marathon?

 Don't get me wrong, when I was buying shoes I tossed out  "I am training for a half-marathon" with the swagger of a seasoned runner. I tried them on and strutted around the store, even jogging in place to "test them out".  But then I drove home and the reality of what I had committed to began to creep in,  I had a nagging feeling that perhaps I couldn't do it.  It is after all 13.1 miles, of running.  I secretly hoped my friend would bail out and I would have an easy excuse to not wear the shoes and train.  But there was a part of me that knew I was in it for the long haul.

So Day 1 of training was 30 minutes of cardio.  I chose water aerobics taught by a family friend in her swimming pool.  She was hugely supportive and I thought, this is good, support is the key to making this happen.  Then I got in the water, she turned on the music and 30 minutes later I was questioning our friendship.  Didn't I mention that this was DAY 1? Why was she pushing me so hard!  I got out of the pool and with noodle arms and legs I made my way to my towel.  After crashing on the couch and eating dinner I had recovered enough to drive home.  I was kind of proud of myself, this was going to work!  That nagging feeling came over me again as I thought of Day 2 of training, run/walk a mile to build endurance.  WHAT?  Run a mile on the 2nd day of training?  What ever happened to easing into something?  If I don't die on the track tonight, I will post again to track my progress.

Unable to communicate about Africa

I have been back in the states for a month now and have not been able put into words the trip I had.  Before I left, I had hopes of filling this blog with my experiences, however upon my return, I have not been able to find the words that would capture the beauty, depth, abject poverty, terrorizing violence, and overwhelmingly amazing experiences I had there.

Sorry. . .  sometimes God closes our mouth for a time.

Complete Calm

With 48 hours left before I hop on board a plane heading toward South Africa, a utter and complete calmness has crept over me.  I am not completely packed, I do not have everything I need yet but somehow I am still, quiet and calm.  God is bigger than all things, this trip is about Him and I fully plan to rest in his never-ending arms during the whole trip.

This trip will stretch me beyond my boundaries, I don't have a friend going with me and the team I am traveling with is already bonded so I am the thumb in this hand.  I am the tallest of the group (big shock) so I will stick out like a red headed step-child.  I have never traveled abroad and so the whole experience is new for me.

I won't have internet access like I had hoped so I won't be able to blog about it while I am there but I will take diligent notes and pictures and write when I get back.  Who know's I might even be inspired to finish the book I am working on.

Mehrabian Rule

What is more important, the beginning of a sentence or the end? If your sentence starts with FIRE then it is obviously the leading actor in that sentence.  The boy you have had a crush on for a year starts talking to you and after 15 minutes of stammering and small talk finally says . . . so do you want to go out tomorrow?  Then  the end of the sentence becomes the most important?  

It boils down to actual words, intonation and body language.  There was a study done in the 1960's that said that when you speak, a percentage of what you are saying is verbal, tone and body language.

• Your words 7%
• Your tone of voice 38%
• Your body language 55%.

With this in mind, how do we ever interpret texts, tweets and emails?  We have dumbed down our language into ALL CAPS to express anger or  : )  lol, haha, or jk to express humor or lighten a situation.  Also difficult news gets pushed to a lesser form of communication as to avoid the pain or strong reaction it will be met with.  Example, breaking up with someone through text.  Very easy for the dumper and very  traumatic for the dumped.  But what does the dumped do?  They text their friends what a scumbag the dumper is, those friends take to twitter to spread the word and after 24 hours, everyone knows, nobody cares and the text and tweets have been buried under  100 other texts and tweets never to resurface again.  

 If Mehrabian is correct and words are only 7% of what we are trying to communicate then we need to rethink this kind of quick and easy texting speak we have grown accustomed too.  All the hearts and smiley faces in the world are not going to get across the other 93% of what you are trying to say to me. 

4th yea! fireworks boo!

I am a patriot and enjoy the freedom that my US citizenship entitles me, the firework extravaganza however is not my favorite.  I enjoyed them when I was younger but I do not enjoy sitting and watching nor do I enjoy lighting and running before they explode.

Perhaps we could create a new 4th of July, something without the blown off fingers and searing flesh burns.  Maybe the 4th of July could become a knitting holiday, or a watermelon eating holiday.  Something less prone to accidents.  I will be happy to champion the new cause.  Any suggestions in the "less dangerous holiday activity" box will be welcomed.

Flaky

My homeless tutor didn't show.  Who would have thought that homeless people are flaky.  I haven't decided if I will try again.  I still want to learn more Sign Language, I have tried 2 deaf tutors in the past who both flaked on me so I guess it should not be a surprise that homeless guy did too.

 I have to say that for such a welcoming culture, learning the language seems to be something that is either inherited through deaf family members or taught in the school system.  I do not have access to either of those.

Putting yourself out there

When exactly do we stop putting ourselves out there?  Connecting with others, making new friends?  I seem to have missed the gene that pulls the plug on the childlike faith in humankind.  I recklessly put myself out there to meet new people, engage in conversation with strangers who could end up being friends.  I have many times been told, you are to trusting, you better be careful talking to people, one of these day's you will come across a crazy.  I don't know if God just made me defective like that or if my hope and optimism in my fellow humans is just different.  Here is why I write this.

  I saw a young man holding a cardboard sign saying DEAF and HOMELESS please help.  I thought about him all that day, wondering if he was really deaf or just using that as a hook to get people to give him money. I went back the next day and found him again.  I parked my car and got out .
 I signed You Deaf?  he nodded and pointed at me You Deaf?
 I shook my head and signed I want to learn Sign Language, you want to teach me?
He nodded and signed yeah, now?
No, here is my business card, can you come to my office Monday morning?
Yes, what time
9
OK, thank you.
Thank you.


I got in my car and drove away.  I felt exhilarated, a chance for a win/win situation. He needed a job and I needed a tutor.  I came home to tell my family and was met with laughter and mockery.
"I bet he told his friends he met this tall beautiful woman while he was out hustling"  hahaha
"Why are you propositioning men on the street" hahaha
"He is homeless, he wont show"
"Why do you do these things, you gave him your card, he could be dangerous?"

It gnawed at me all night.  I played along and assured them it did not go down like that, no propositioning him, he was not a creepy homeless man who was talking to himself with a shopping cart.  This was a kid, 20 maybe who needs a chance.  I felt like kicking myself for even bringing it up.  I should just keep these things to myself and tell people after they are successful.  I give up trying to make myself fit into the mold of this world.  I will just have to trust God and ignore the haters.

I will post again if he shows up on Monday.

Recipes from the cookie jar # 3

Recipe card:  Peanut Butter Pie Recipe information: This pie does not require baking, mixing only Ingredients 1 cup peanut butter  8 oz cream cheese   8 oz cool whip                                                                                   3 cups powdered sugar    1 cup graham cracker crust   Directions 1.       mix all ingredients and mix until light and fluffy 2.       pour in crust, refrigerate for 2 hours (or more)   TIP: Pie will soften the longer it is left out of the refrigerator.

Recipe card template:  Snickers Salad Recipe information:  This is a sweet salad Ingredients 1 large box vanilla pudding (instant) 1 cup milk  8 oz cool whip   green apples    snickers bars   Directions 1.       mix pudding and 1 cup of milk (do not follow recipe on box) 2.       fold cool whip to pudding mixture 3.       chop apples and snickers into bite size pieces and add to mix 4.       fold until blended then refrigerate TIP: this is a very sweet salad, meant for dessert.  Make sure you put it with desserts so people don’t assume it is potato salad.

Mood Ring Moment

   Do you remember mood rings?  We all had them at some time in our life, they were cheap metal rings with a mysterious color changing stone that detected your mood and changed the color to match it.  They always came with a mood color decoder which you invariably lost and when people asked you "what does purple mean?" you would say, oh it means I am (fill in the blank with whatever you thought it meant).  I think women should come with a mood ring decoder.  It would be helpful in friendships, relationships and all interaction with the human race.  I feel like my mood ring is out of whack right now.  I am fluctuating between all colors of the mood ring.  So this post is rally flag for all of us who have mood ring days.  There is always the possibility of this being a "female thing" or a "hormone imbalance" or straight out PMS but I choose to put on my mood ring and let the world know, we all have these times of indecision.  Before you have a judgmental moment with someone else, put on your mood ring and assess where you are before you take on someone else, they might be having a tough mood ring moment.

Mood Beads and Mood Jewelry Color Meanings

For Fun - "Entertainment" Only

 - Stressed
 - Fear
 - Nervous
 - Mixed Emotions
 - Normal
 - Relaxed
 - Calm
 - Cool
 - Lovable
 - Romance
 - Passion
 - Very Happy

Degrees of friendship

I am a lucky woman, I have a solid set of friends from grade school that carried me through my high school years.  I have a solid set of friends from college who helped me form into the woman I am today. I now have a solid group of friends that I met as an adult.  Each pocket of friendships are different, separate and unique. I wonder how I got so lucky to have so many groups of wonderful friends in my life.  A statement that my father made to me when I was young springs to mind.  I am an only child and my father told me 'you don't have siblings so your friends will need to become your family'  It has been true my whole life.  I have gravitated toward people who are true and good and trustworthy.  There are some common elements in the friendships that I have, I am the tallest of all my friends (not a big shock) there is always a friend in the group of friends that is closer, that I confide in more.  However each member of the friendship group is uniquely special and we fit together nicely in a groove that only we share.  An overwhelming theme in both highschool and college groups was a protective mode, I am often unaware of how I am seen by members of the opposite sex and those two groups would run interference when I was slow to realize that someone was hitting on me.  This trait did not seem to make it into the adult friendships although I wish it had.  All three groups had fairly similar political and religious similarities.  But the theme who defines every person in all three groups and the people in my life who don't fit nicely in a group is caring for others.  A giving heart, standing up for the little guy.  That is the most endearing quality I have ever found in the human race.  Thank you to all of you who enrich my life, make me a better person and complete my family.  

Update status

I have officially had a Facebook page for 1 month.  I have 74 friends and my beliefs about Facebook have changed numerous times.
 I have successfully learned how to take pictures and post them
 I have learned how to search for friends and add them
 I have been amazed that people I have not talked to or thought about in well over a decade seem genuinely interested in me and how I am doing.
 I still struggle with things to post
 I have not gotten in the habit of checking it every day
 I do like to see photo's of friends new and old however some have made Facebook their own photo album.  Uploading 42 new pictures today, different than the 29 they uploaded yesterday.
 Most of my family found me and sent me a friend request however some of my friends found me then proceeded to be mad at me that I wasn't friend requesting them.
 I will never understand parts of Facebook but I think I will keep it.

I guess one month after drinking the Kool-aid that I am a convert.  But just between you and me, I would choose this blog over Facebook any day!

Dynamics between men and women

     Relationships between men and women are complicated.  In grade school a push or shove meant I like you, in middle school it didn't matter if you liked someone you were two awkward to admit it and do anything about it.  The term "do you like them or do you like-like them" came around which left tweens to ponder and assess the difference in like and like-like.  There are the awkward school dances in which the gym is equally divided between boys and girls who desperately want someone to ask them but no one has the courage to walk across the floor and do it.

     High school brings a new found flood of hormones and puberty which culminate in very awkward encounters with the opposite sex.  Those who have not decided if they are into girls or boys have it even harder.  Eventually relationships even out and a familiarity develops, a comfort level and with age brings the knowledge of who you are and what you like in the way of a partner.  Adult relationships among opposite sex friends is a new level of complicated.

   I grew up with guy friends, boys who were just that, friends.  I dated boys who understood that and while they sized up my male friends, never took issue with it.  Things changed when I put on a wedding ring, male/female relationships were no longer ok, or even tolerated.  They were discouraged and I assumed that part of my life was over.  I have since realized that there is something healthy about having the opposite sex friend to bounce ideas off of, joke with and enjoy spending time with.  This is where gay men come in.  The only truly accepted form of male/female friendship.   Oh how I long to have a good gay male friend.  The jealousy that arises is removed, the "gay friend" doesn't want what I have to offer.  Somehow this becomes a safe or neutral zone.  The problem is, I have not found the perfect gay guy friend.  The giant "PREACHERS WIFE" label that I have tattooed on my forehead that makes people not want to dive in and see if it is a possibility.

   I want to explore the "can men and women just be friends" issue.  There are a vast majority of you that say NO, sex will always get in the way.  I stand on the side of YES we can.  I can only speak from my experiences and I have had successful male friends who never crossed the line ever.  The argument of women are in control and men will go as far as the women will let them is valid.  But when boundaries are established early on, there can be successful friendships for years.  Now I will concede that infidelity rates continue to soar because boundaries grow fuzzy.  That is a character flaw not a statement of fact.  There will be times when either friend is vulnerable and the grass is always greener goggles are on.  However in the same way spouses have moments where they cant stand each other, those moments pass and what drew you together in the first place restores to the forefront.

    Before I get down off my soapbox, I would like to thank those men in my life who have been the example that my whole theory is based on, those men who pursued friendship with the integrity that I did.  I thank you. To those men who pursued a friendship with the hopes of it leading to sex, jokes on you, I only have one man with whom I will ever have sex, my best friend, the man who I share my life with, my amazing husband!

2 months

I have had this blog for 2 months.  What have I learned in 2 months?  That blogging gives the inner writer in me a chance to put pen to paper (so to speak).  I enjoy my time I spend in solitude here, the rest of my life moves so quickly that when I get a chance to write, it is like a cup of soothing hot chocolate on a chilly winter night.  Not necessarily needed but definitely enjoyed.

I will be going to South Africa in 2 months an I hope I get a chance to blog while I am there.  Just the thought of writing while I am in such an exquisite land would be a dream!  To see the stars from another perspective on the map, to hear the sounds of nature that otherwise I would never experience.  To breathe in the richness of a culture that has not been drained the things that made it great.  I long for my two weeks there.

Antioxidant Experiment

In 2011 my New Years Resolution was to eat more blueberries.  I liked that goal because if I ate one more blueberry than I did in 2010 then I had succeeded.  I averaged about 10 blueberries a day for the entire year with some surprising results.  I did not get sick (cold, flu) for the entire year.  The only sickness I got was strep throat which I get every year between September and November.  It is like a ticking time bomb in my immune system and nothing has ever stopped it.  When 2012 started I went with a new resolution which had nothing to do with my health and what do you know, Sickness crept in.  After 3 sniffles, sinus, colds I finally realized that I had stopped eating blueberries.  Amazing how one little fruit can flood your body with enough antioxidants to keep you healthy all year.  I am back on my blueberry regimen and plan to spout the benefits to anyone who will listen.

Kool-Aid update

Update on Facebook,

I now have 50 friends which is in my mind fairly decent for 1 week.  The pressure to post photographs is driving me to distraction.  I inwardly roll my eyes when people say "finally" you are on.

Most interesting development.  One of my long time friends saw me and said, oh I heard you were on Facebook, I haven't been on mine in a while.  I said, I am trying it out, look me up when you get back on.  5 days later her husband told me that she was very hurt that I had not friend requested her yet.

This brings me to a very interesting point.  Back in middle school/junior high, it was all about being invited, the more people who invited you to parties the cooler you were.  It had a very similar ring.  This friend of mine clearly knew I was on Facebook and clearly looked enough to be aware that I had not friended her, but did not take the effort to click the button and friend me.  Instead she was hurt that I had not friended her.  So is there some kind of social status that goes along with being asked versus doing the asking?  Does it really matter?  Is there some kind of track record that say's you asked 24 people to be your friend but only 13 people requested your friendship?  Does that ratio somehow make you less cool?

It was frustrating and confusing and definitely one more black mark on the Facebook con list.  Well I am almost 1/3 of the way in to my experiment and my initial feelings are still the same.

The only redeeming quality is that I was able to see a new family member that I would have waited to see for 6 months.  Able to tell his parents what a beautiful baby they had.

Introduction to Hockey

This is Hockey, the newest member of our household.  Only member of our family with 4 paws. We adopted him 2 years ago and other than a love/hate relationship with my husband, he is the best pet. 

How did he get the name Hockey?  Well we were told he was a girl so the kids probably named "her" Holly.  One week later when we went to the vet, we got a lesson about the birds and the bee's and the cat education about our boy cat.  Both kids burst into tears and begged me not to give him back.  We agreed to keep him and promptly re-named him Hockey. 

After one quick surgery that all responsible pet owners do, we had a family pet.  He is an inside cat so the picture is one that we see often, longing to feel the grass on his paws, longing to chase a squirrel. 

Welcome to the family Hockey!

3 days after drinking the Kool-Aid

I am 3 days into my experiment.  Project Facebook.  Here are my findings thus far.

day 1- sent 1 friend request and received 16 requests
day 2-sent 1 friend request and received 10 requests
day 3- sent no friend requests and received 7 requests

Interesting. . .  

I have checked it each day and reset my privacy settings 3 times to get them right .  (mildly annoying)
I had a dream last night in which Facebook came up (mildly annoying)
The first 16 friends were welcoming and "so glad you joined us" in nature (very sweet)
The next 17 seem to take the tone "finally! what took you so long" (extremely annoying)
I have one friend request from a person whom I do not know.  Not sure what to do with that?
Have discovered 2 fringe friends (those whom I have not seen in over a decade who seem to post multiple times a day.  (one is interesting and the other is mildly annoying)
Have discovered 2 different fringe friends who it was nice to reconnect with them however I don't know if I will want to keep up the relationship for any length of time.  (jury is still out on this one)
Discovered messaging is the only way to talk privately (glad I didn't post anything scandalous in a reply to someone's post, that would have been embarrassing)
There does seem to be some pressure to post pictures (stressful)
***Most interesting discovery, those Facebook fanatics in my life almost seem annoyed to help me and usually just make me move and take over. 

We shall see if this is worth continuing, in the 3 days I have thought of shutting it down 2 times.  That does not seem like a promising start.  But I made a commitment to try for a month so let the countdown continue.

Swimming in the social media pool

Well today is the day that I finally jumped into the social media pool.  After years of hearing "you should really get Facebook", I finally did.  It was an birthday present to myself, I had come to realize that the world is not going to start spinning backwards.

Letter writing has been replaced by email
Email has been replaced with texting
Texting has been replaced with Facebook posts.

My only hope of trying to stay connected to Tennessee is to hop on in the Facebook pool.  I have to admit, signing up felt more like drinking the Kool-Aid.  Not only do you have to provide information, you have to change every setting so that random strangers can't invade your world.  It was exhausting.  It is finally set up and I requested one friend.  My best friend and roommate from college.  The one who (unlike other friends) doesn't just assume that being friends with my husband on Facebook is enough connection to keep us together.  So I friend requested her then proceeded to send her a text to see if I did it right.  I didn't (big shock) I am beginning to be annoyed with it already!

I am going to give it a month.  May is my birthday month so I will test the waters and see if at the end of 31 days I am diving into the Facebook pool head first or if I am still poking my big toe in the water to see if I can survive the temperature.  I guess I should set some guidelines to see if the Facebook world is for me.

The average Facebook user statistics according to The Social Skinny states that

Americans long on for 1-30 minutes through out the day
Typical Facebook users have 130 friends
 50% log on daily

So those will be my tests.  At the end of May am I creeping up toward 130 friends, do I log on each day and spend between 1-30 minutes on Facebook.   If not, then maybe the social media scene is not for me.  We will see. . . .

LGBTQIA

Recently I was made aware that I have started a new collection.  A very different kind of collection.  I have started collecting  friendships with lesbians.  Odd collection to have for several reasons.  First, collections of people are usually associated with serial killers and cannibals.  Second, typically the gay community does not have a great relationship with the church community.  Considering that I am a pastors wife people usually run from me assuming I will be all preachy or judgmental.   But I have gathered 4 friends who are giving me quite an education when it comes to matters of the heart.

I am not new to the gay community, several of my friends in college were gay, but I discovered that the gay community keeps straight people at arms length.  My experiences now are much more genuine.  I was given the book Stone Butch Blues, if you have never read it then pick up a copy.  Let me warn you, it is graphically brutal and exposes a side of law enforcement that I had no clue about.  Well lets be honest, in my Pollyana world, there are numerous things that I have very little clue about.  But now that I am well read and fairly comfortable in the gay world, I have taken a stand on the subject.

Lets start with LGBTQIA, for those of you who are unaware, let me save you a trip to google.
Lesbian
Gay/Gender queer
Bi-sexual
Transgender
Questioning/Queer
Inter-sexed
Asexual/Androgynous

What is with the ever growing list of labels?  There are so many pockets of labels, why do people want to section themselves off from the umbrella?  This has been explained to me but I can't quite get my mind around it.

My heart struggles to bring peace to the transgender world.  To believe you have been born into the wrong gender breaks my heart.  To have a menstrual cycle every month is just like a slap in the face reminder that things are off.  Of all the labels, this is where I feel the truest connection.  Maybe because it has less to do with whom you are attracted to and more to do with always feeling a disconnect when you look in the mirror.

Who you are attracted to is fascinating, I am a people watcher by nature and what attracts one human to another is a science that will never be mastered.  Being attracted to the same sex goes deeper than who you choose to kiss and sleep with.  Men's attraction to other men on a platonic level seems to be more an attraction to the power or influence the other man has.  Women's attraction to other women goes much deeper, beauty, poise and confidence are a few of the layers women are attracted to with other women.  These are also the things that propel women into jealousy and bring out the claws.  So with that philosophy comes the basic understanding of how same sex relationships go.  We seek out in others what we desire to have in ourselves.

The churches view on homosexuality has been clear since the bible was penned however the church of today is missing a huge opportunity to connect with people.  Why does one aspect of someone's life have to be the defining factor in their spiritual walk.  Does the bible put more weight on some sin than others? NO, lying ranks right up there with murder in the sin category.  The bible says that man should not lay with another man as one does with a woman, that is an abomination.  Well the bible also says you shouldn't have sex outside the bonds of marriage.  It also says if you look at a woman with lust in your heart you have already committed adultery.  So why is it that church people put so much more emphasis on that first bible verse than the last two?  I believe it is because people are scared and panicky of what they don't understand.   It is also easier to point fingers at someone else than deal with the things you struggle with.

The people who have shared their sexual orientation with me have taken a huge risk, knowing there is a good chance that I will pull out my bible and thump it at them spewing the venom that so many Christians do about how they are going straight to hell.  I respect the courage it takes to share something that is clearly going to bring about a strong reaction.  Unless I don't understand the term that your telling me or the category you have put yourself in, my reaction is usually uneventful.  One of the many facets of your life that make you someone that I would like to hang out with.

I feel that it is my responsibility to breakdown the hate and walls that have been built about the church.  Much as many of the gay community feel that it is there responsibility to educate the straight culture about them.  No they will not hit on you, nobody is going to try and convert you, AIDS is not a gay disease.  Once we can get past that, usually the friendship is free to bloom naturally.  So I encourage you Christians to break outside your holy huddle and get to know someone who might become a lifelong friend, and those of you in the gay community who have had horrible experiences with religious people, let me encourage you that we are not all like that, take another chance and see if there is a connection that might last a lifetime.

Dreamsicles

  

People collect things that they find interesting, I have a collection of Dreamsicles which were an angel figurine created by Kristen Haynes in the 90's and early 2000's.  My mother bought me the first and the collection grew from there.  Now I stumble across them in thrift stores or yard sales and pick them up but largely my collection is complete.  I don't collect anything else, just tiny little cherub looking angels with dried flower wreaths.  Why do I bring this up? Because I recently had to take them down to dust and I realized that one of my favorite Dreamsicles has been broken.  Stinking cat!  But alas, that is what super glue was invented for.

Desert Landscape

I took a road trip this weekend, just a weekend get-a-way to Arizona for a family members wedding.  Driving 9 hours through the desert gave me a different perspective.  California is the epitome of urban life.  Surrounded by buildings, smog, people, and cars, there is no time to breathe, no place to look around and take in the scenery.  I know the locals say, California is the perfect place, you can surf at the beach, snow-board in the mountains, and go dirt biking in the desert all on the same day.  Well local perspective aside, as we drove out, I began to feel less closed in, more able to turn my head to the left and right and not see buildings.  Slowly the city fell away and there were hours of desert driving.  No houses, no cars, no smog only the openness and shrubbery found in the desert.  Flanked on both sides by mountains and hills, I began to realize that my 16 years in California has helped me to crave the openness afforded by other parts of the country that I had previously taken for granted.

The wedding was beautiful, young love, wide eyed and eager to begin their life together as man and wife.
The chance to catch up with family  whom we have not seen in a while renewed that sense of connection.
The laziness of a vacation was refreshing to restore that sense of balance to life


But the best part of this trip was watching the desert landscape go by, hours of silence with children in the back attached to electronic devices, husband in the passenger seat napping. I in the drivers seat gazing at hundreds of miles of beautiful scenery and left to contemplate how much easier it is to breathe without the claustrophobic crush of city life.  

Images in my head

 I am a self proclaimed scaredy-cat
 I never watch scary movies
 I don't particularly like suspense movies
I avoid haunted houses and I might punch you if you jump out and try and scare me.

  That kind of entertainment is not my thing.  People will say to me things like "you have never seen the Halloween movies, sing songs like 1- -2- - Freddie's coming after you, quote scenes from Psycho or say RedRum."  I always reply, I am a chicken, I have never seen that movie.  "Never, Really? Oh you have to see them" and this is usually followed by their own personal favorite horror movies.  Some of them trying to convince me that they are not really scary, just suspenseful.  Ah-ha, I have traveled down that road before.  I was bribed into watching Silence of the Lambs in college by friends who said "come on, its not scary, just suspenseful, you are in Psychology so it will really interest you."  I did watch the movie, terrified and then had to go back to my dorm room way across campus, by myself.  I came in the room and inspected every closet and open space before settling into the realization that I would not be visited by Hannibal Lector during the night.  I changed for bed and then flung back my covers and a moth fluttered out from my bed.  Needless to say, no sleep that night!  The so called "suspense" of that movie was terrifying to me.  Never again was I conned into the lure of "suspenseful".

What people don't realize is that I am o.k. with being a scaredy-cat.  I have no need to build up a tolerance to that genre.  I don't want those images in my head.  I have such an active imagination anyway that giving my brain any more ideas is like fuel to the fire.  So feel free to not  send me your list of top 10 horror movie favorites, recommend the newest trilogy of novels written by Stephen King or try and convince me that I should really try them.  I will try and not convince you that sappy, chick flick, romantic comedy's are a much better alternative to the genre that you enjoy.

Celebrity Crush

Every television watcher gets a celebrity crush from time to time.  Sometimes it is with the character they play in a show or movie, sometimes it is just the physical eye candy that is out there.  Either way, from time to time there is a celebrity crush on our horizon.  Not that we think this person will magically come out of the t.v. screen and sweep us away to the Hollywood lifestyle that they live in, but just the day-dream of it all is enough to keep us going about our hum-drum lives.  How many books, movies and television shows have been written with the theme of the celebrity coming into contact with the local girl (or boy, but lets face it, its usually girl) and within the course of the show they fall in love.  Now back to reality, let me stroll down memory lane with a few of my celebrity crushes.

Channing Tatum
L.L. Cool Jay
Dwayne Johnson
Charlize Theron (hey we all have a girl crush)


  But today I found myself thinking about a television personality with whom none of my former celebrity crushes have anything in common.  In case you haven't noticed the pattern, tall and muscly is my thing.  I have become fascinated with The Big Bang Theory, oh yes, you guessed it! I have become a Sheldon Cooper fan.  No offense to Jim Parsons who plays the character, but the actor behind the character holds almost no interest for me.  With the minor exception that all you skinny, gawky, awkward kids who have a desire to become a movie star, don't let your dreams die.  There is room for all of you, you might need to let go of the illusion that you will be the Brad Pitt leading man role but it is never the Brad Pitt role that leaves the biggest impression, it is the side kick, pal and best friend, that captivates our hearts.  Case in point, the real life Jennifer Aniston went from Brad Pitt to Vince Vaughn.  Most ladies will take flawed and funny over perfection any day.  Perfection is hard to live with on a long term basis.

  Back to my Sheldon crush.  I rarely watch television, and even more rarely laugh out loud at anything on a sitcom.  However the comedic genius of Sheldon Cooper is one in a million.  O.K. lets address the gigantic Aspergers elephant in the room, the topic of is Sheldon or isn't Sheldon is a much blogged about debate.  Show creators are fairly quiet on the topic allowing people to make up their minds as they wish.  Well played Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady, labeling a character might bring picket signs or protesters to the set.  I have to believe that the AS person whom they worked with or went to school with and became the model for this character was a learning lesson for them, so naturally they wrote what was most interesting.  My Sheldon crush is not the carnal type of crush (lets be honest, what good would that do anyway?)  It is a motherly, protective type of affection.  The trouble with accessing the world of human emotions and social nuances is one that everyone needs help with from time to time.  The genius behind those minds who work at a whole different level than the rest of us bring us to an understanding of the world that we would not otherwise receive.  Assuming that most of the brilliant minds in the world are AS, what would happen if they were shut away and hidden for their differences.  (I hear the collective scream from all you Facebook junkies at the thought of that Asperger genius not being allowed to create his masterpiece.)  I applaud the network for handling different type of characters with the dignity that they deserve.  Making allowances for your friends that are different, have quirks or nuances to their personality that you adjust to is part of life.

Sure hearing him say Bazinga is awkward but watching the childlike grin that crosses his face at the thought of pulling a prank on someone is always endearing.  So for my celebrity crush of the moment, Sheldon Cooper takes the cake.  (I can almost hear him saying "What exactly does the expression mean anyway 'take the cake' clearly no one has baked a cake, and even if one could produce a cake, where exactly would it be taken" )

Sweet or Salty

  The world can be pretty easily divided into sweets or salty's.  Go to a party and observe those who hang out at the chip and dip section or those who nibble the dessert buffet.  In a convenience store you see people turn down aisle #2 for candy and chocolate or aisle #3 for chips, nuts and jerky.  People comment about how they are never tempted by sweets as they finish the bag of Doritos and lick the orange off their fingers.  Or those who proudly boast that salty snacks are really bad for your body and that they never have those all the while the empty Twix wrappers rattle in their purse.  You are either one of the other.  Learn to embrace your Sweet or Salty side.
   I am a sweet connoisseur, I can walk past any chip, dip, nuts and popcorn with no problem but if there is chocolate, candy bar, caramel or cotton candy then I will sample.   Sample is probably a oversimplification, I will seek them out, indulge and probably go in for round two if I think I can get away with it.  Yep, sweets are my thing!
  Holiday's seem to be geared toward sweet and salty snackers.
  Valentines Day, Easter, Halloween and Christmas are typically associated with chocolate and candy.
  New Years Eve, Independence Day, Labor Day and Memorial Day are known for b-b-q's which are typically associated with salty snacks.
  So if you had any doubt about which snacker you are, look in your purse or pantry and see if there are tell tale signs, if not, look on the calendar and see what holiday you are looking forward to.  If all else fails and you can't quite figure out which category you fall in, maybe this will help.   

Pushing on

Where do we as human's get the strength and power to push on, even when all we want to do is quit?  I thought about this a lot today.  I wanted to sleep, my body demanded rest to heal the sickness that has overtaken me, but no, it is Easter.  The one day of the year that Christians hold on to, it is kind of the reason we believe what we believe.  Jesus raised from the dead, the premise behind all that we hold as true.
So I drug my body out of bed
cleaned the house because the in-laws would be coming over after church
Made special breakfast because we always have a special breakfast on Easter
Gathered all the supplies for church
Put on my best Easter dress ( is it my imagination or is it a little snug through the hips? I will focus on that later)
Smiled and greeted everyone in their best Easter clothes
Explained for the millionth time that I was sick and didn't have a voice (sympathetic looks)
Ran children's church
Comforted a crying toddler
Directed families down the hall to the complimentary family photo
Directed children to the Easter Egg Hunt
Cleaned the church after everyone was gone
Came home and let the in-laws in the house while my husband went to preach at another Easter service
Did the left over dishes from yesterday so the kitchen was clean
Baby-sat the 3 new babies in the family while moms went to get food for bar-b-que
Directed people to necessary things in my house
Finally my husband came home and I excused myself to go rest a bit.

4 hours later I emerged.  Somehow my body knew it must push on, it stored up all of the energy it had and used it to get through the day.  I believe this is a decidedly human trait.  If an animal is sick, it crawls into a corner or safe spot and hunkers down until it is better, coming out only to eat or find leaves, roots or seeds that it can use as medicine.   Why do humans have to fight that natural instinct to hunker down and rest.  Pushing aside their bodies instincts, ignoring what has proven to make us better in the past.  Simply refusing to give in to the illness.  Why?  You don't see a cheetah that is infected with a parasite just get up and say to its mate, I can power through this, I will simply ignore it and it will go away.  NO, they listen to their bodies, follow their instincts and heal quickly.

I would like to take a lesson from the animal kingdom and hunker down, listen to my body and do what I know will make it better, but instead I will lay around what is left of today and then get up and go to work this week, run myself out of energy and this sickness will linger into next weekend.  Pushing on seems to be the human way.  Pushing our bodies to the brink of what they can handle and wearing the aches, pains and scars of it with pride.

Ode to sickness

Oh, the feeling of sickness creeping over your body.  Last night I had this tickle in my throat.  I chose to down some airborne and hope it was just sinus issues.  No luck, I woke up this morning and felt 50%.  Day-Quil became my friend today and got me through.  About 2pm my voice started sounded like a cross between a12 year old boy going through puberty and an old woman who smoked her whole life.  Gravely and kind of sexy, I wish it meant something other than the fact that I was getting sick.  But alas, I have succumbed to the sickness. Lousy timing but vitamin C and blueberries will be my friend.  Day Quil will help me survive and I am hopefully back in action on Monday.

April Fools

Today is one of my favorite holiday's.  April Fools, a day devoted to harmless tricks, it is way better than Halloween with all the scary costumes.  So today I got up and decided to enjoy the day on my terms.  I made a batch of rice crispy treats and added 1/2 cup of salt to the batch.  Since I am known for the treats that I bake, no one even questioned me, they just dove right in.  The looks were polite at first, then people started seeking each other out to see if they were the only ones who thought it was bad.  Finally I couldn't hold it in and shouted APRIL FOOLS, people knew they had been had and tossed the rest of the treat and any lingering bits from their mouth.  Since we were at church, they headed to find the donuts and clear their palate.  I noticed people being cautious when biting into the donuts, not wanting another April Fools prank.  This warmed my devious April Fools day heart!

P.S.  For all of you that don't plan your April Fools day pranks in advance, tomorrow is too late.  You missed it, so plan better next year and be careful of sweet church ladies carrying platefuls of rice crispy treats.

dream stories

I am writing again, much like the majority of stories I write, it started with a dream.  I dream vividly, every night, full color and story line.  When I wake I am able to remember my dream (sometime's multiple dreams) and every once in a while, there is a dream that sticks with me.  Something that rattles in my head until I put it on paper.  So I started putting it on paper, I found that if I don't write it down, it starts to form its own story line, plot, character development and crowds out the things I should be doing.  So I am writing.

The first 29 pages came quickly, in 2 afternoons, but now I am done with the dream part of it and it is time to decide if the story is enough to pull me into writing more.  Names are the hardest part of the story for me to come up with.  I look through baby books, names on the internet and any other venue I can find interesting names.  I wrote a story that ended up being a full 300 pages and unfortunately for me the main characters name is Bella.  So with the current Twilight phenomenon, I will just have to wait or endure the countless comments about how I named the character the same name as Bella from Twilight.

I started this blog with New Beginnings, I didn't know if I would be brave enough to let others read my writings so I can't imagine that I will ever post any of my dream stories here but maybe one day, in a moment of unusual bravery, I will post a bit, perhaps 1 chapter and see what happens.

Waving to Eurasia

Здравствуйте! and Guten Tag.  I noticed that several of you who have stumbled across this little blog are from Russia, Czech Republic, Germany, Romania, Ukraine and countries surrounding.  I am a little surprised that you found me but I am thrilled to be connected to you in that way.  Perhaps you came across this on your way to another site, perhaps it was the words Tennessee or California that you had a connection to but no matter how you arrived, It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.   

Give parenting a try

  Pamela Anderson wrote that she hopes her boys (age 13 and 15) practice safe sex and try drinking and drugs in moderation.  I am sure there was more to her post than that however that is all the media is reporting.  I read a letter a mother wrote to her infant son, in the future if he comes out to her that she will love him and the partner he chooses.  Alicia Silverstone made headlines by pre-chewing her babies food and then spitting it into his mouth. Parenting is hard and I couldn't imagine doing it in the public eye.  So celebrity moms, reality show moms, internet sensation moms, I stand with you, make good decisions and raise your children well, ignoring what the world has to say about it.

    My children are growing up in a world that is very different than the one I knew as a child in small town Tennessee.  Big city California is a land of concrete. There was a time when my children wouldn't walk on grass barefooted because it felt weird to them.  So many things are different now.
-They can't run around and play because of the dangers of being run over by a bus or kidnapped by a pedophile.
-They don't explore their world because there are real dangers out there.
-Instead of teaching the rules of duck-duck goose and freeze tag, we are instilling in them what to do if a stranger tries to approach you.
-Neighbors and family friends do not discipline other people's children in fear of law suits.

  When my husband and I were newly married and without children we went to eat at a local restaurant in Tennessee.  A toddler escaped from his seat and took off running for the door.  Seeing him coming I put out my arm and caught him, scooping him up until his parents got there.  They thanked me repeatedly and took him back to their table.  My husband sat stunned as this happened.  He cautioned me to never touch anyone's child in California.  I didn't understand? I was protecting him from running out the door and into a busy parking lot.  It didn't matter, I realized that things were very different and I was going to need to learn a different way of socialization.

  I say give parenting a try before you make comments about how it is done and how it should be done.

 

On a quest for the perfect love triangle

As a writer, I am always looking for a good love triangle.  One that keeps all three parties on the edge of intimacy and never steps across the line and leaves one out.  I am fascinated with television love triangles, not necessarily good television shows but a well done love triangle.  Here are a few of my favorite from the past.  October Road, Everwood, The Mountain, Roswell, Dawson's Creek, 90210, One Tree Hill, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Typically the first season of these love triangle shows is the best, before the plot lines get to convoluted.  I am always on the look out for something that has a good love triangle.  I am always trying to write a good love triangle.  The ultimate love triangle is not a sappy teen drama but a book.  The Host by Stefenie Meyer (yes that is the same Stefenie Meyer from Twilight fame) this is not the typical vampire romance but it does fall outside of the realm of normal.  It is by far my favorite book of all time.  I can re-read it over and over again, I hope they find a way to turn it into a movie, it would be fascinating.  If you have not had a chance to read it, I would highly recommend it.  (I have two copies so you can borrow one of mine) The love triangle is done well and I have never seen anything like it, It pulls you in and takes you all the way through until the end.  The conclusion is unexpected which always makes for a good love triangle drama.

One little thing

It is amazing how one little thing can change the course of your day.

Putting yourself out there, whether that is asking out that special person you have had your eye on or completing a task that you have been putting off, can boost your confidence.

I am not usually lacking in the put yourself out there, by my very nature I am an extrovert.  Ask those who know me and they will say I am a super extrovert.
If you need someone to get up and address a crowd then I am your woman
I like introducing myself to people
I love to be the center of attention
I always volunteer to read out loud
I usually take the lead in social situations

But today I was struggling with addressing a situation.  I finally put it out there and got an amazing result!  I was immediately flooded with endorphin's and felt like I had conquered Mt. Everest (no disrespect to those of you who have actually climbed Mt. Everest, or any other mountain for that matter.  I am in no way trying to compare the physical abilities and dedication it takes to accomplish that feat, I am just borrowing the metaphor)

As I mulled over my accomplishment in my mind, I was surprised at how good I felt, I didn't need anyone to tell me I had done well, I didn't necessarily need to tell anyone else about my accomplishment but the internal motivation to keep going that I received from it was enough to keep me going with a smile on my face.
  

Recipe's from the cookie jar #2

Recipe card:  Rice Crispy Treats Recipe information: This does not require baking, stovetop only Ingredients 1 stick butter  1 package mini-marshmellows   ¾ box of rice crispys                                                                        Directions 1.    melt butter on low  2.    melt marshmellows 3.       remove from heat 4.       add rice crispy's and stir until fully mixed, pour into 9X13 pan and cool TIP: The generic brand of rice crispy's are just as tasty as the name brands.

Recipe card template:  6 pound fudge Recipe information:  No baking required, microwave only Ingredients 4 lbs of confectioners sugar 1 cup cocoa    1 lb Velveeta cheese   1 lb butter    4 tsp vanilla         Directions 1.       combine confectioners sugar and cocoa until blended 2.       melt butter and Velveeta in microwave stirring frequently until mixed 3.       blend butter mix with sugar mix then add vanilla 4.       stir until completely blended then refrigerate overnight  TIP: You will probably have to blend with your hands, as it begins to set it gets dense.  The finished product will look glossy and no traces of Velveeta should be visible. Tip: Don't tell people there is Velveeta in it until after they have had a taste, telling them before ensures that they won't try it.