LGBTQIA

Recently I was made aware that I have started a new collection.  A very different kind of collection.  I have started collecting  friendships with lesbians.  Odd collection to have for several reasons.  First, collections of people are usually associated with serial killers and cannibals.  Second, typically the gay community does not have a great relationship with the church community.  Considering that I am a pastors wife people usually run from me assuming I will be all preachy or judgmental.   But I have gathered 4 friends who are giving me quite an education when it comes to matters of the heart.

I am not new to the gay community, several of my friends in college were gay, but I discovered that the gay community keeps straight people at arms length.  My experiences now are much more genuine.  I was given the book Stone Butch Blues, if you have never read it then pick up a copy.  Let me warn you, it is graphically brutal and exposes a side of law enforcement that I had no clue about.  Well lets be honest, in my Pollyana world, there are numerous things that I have very little clue about.  But now that I am well read and fairly comfortable in the gay world, I have taken a stand on the subject.

Lets start with LGBTQIA, for those of you who are unaware, let me save you a trip to google.
Lesbian
Gay/Gender queer
Bi-sexual
Transgender
Questioning/Queer
Inter-sexed
Asexual/Androgynous

What is with the ever growing list of labels?  There are so many pockets of labels, why do people want to section themselves off from the umbrella?  This has been explained to me but I can't quite get my mind around it.

My heart struggles to bring peace to the transgender world.  To believe you have been born into the wrong gender breaks my heart.  To have a menstrual cycle every month is just like a slap in the face reminder that things are off.  Of all the labels, this is where I feel the truest connection.  Maybe because it has less to do with whom you are attracted to and more to do with always feeling a disconnect when you look in the mirror.

Who you are attracted to is fascinating, I am a people watcher by nature and what attracts one human to another is a science that will never be mastered.  Being attracted to the same sex goes deeper than who you choose to kiss and sleep with.  Men's attraction to other men on a platonic level seems to be more an attraction to the power or influence the other man has.  Women's attraction to other women goes much deeper, beauty, poise and confidence are a few of the layers women are attracted to with other women.  These are also the things that propel women into jealousy and bring out the claws.  So with that philosophy comes the basic understanding of how same sex relationships go.  We seek out in others what we desire to have in ourselves.

The churches view on homosexuality has been clear since the bible was penned however the church of today is missing a huge opportunity to connect with people.  Why does one aspect of someone's life have to be the defining factor in their spiritual walk.  Does the bible put more weight on some sin than others? NO, lying ranks right up there with murder in the sin category.  The bible says that man should not lay with another man as one does with a woman, that is an abomination.  Well the bible also says you shouldn't have sex outside the bonds of marriage.  It also says if you look at a woman with lust in your heart you have already committed adultery.  So why is it that church people put so much more emphasis on that first bible verse than the last two?  I believe it is because people are scared and panicky of what they don't understand.   It is also easier to point fingers at someone else than deal with the things you struggle with.

The people who have shared their sexual orientation with me have taken a huge risk, knowing there is a good chance that I will pull out my bible and thump it at them spewing the venom that so many Christians do about how they are going straight to hell.  I respect the courage it takes to share something that is clearly going to bring about a strong reaction.  Unless I don't understand the term that your telling me or the category you have put yourself in, my reaction is usually uneventful.  One of the many facets of your life that make you someone that I would like to hang out with.

I feel that it is my responsibility to breakdown the hate and walls that have been built about the church.  Much as many of the gay community feel that it is there responsibility to educate the straight culture about them.  No they will not hit on you, nobody is going to try and convert you, AIDS is not a gay disease.  Once we can get past that, usually the friendship is free to bloom naturally.  So I encourage you Christians to break outside your holy huddle and get to know someone who might become a lifelong friend, and those of you in the gay community who have had horrible experiences with religious people, let me encourage you that we are not all like that, take another chance and see if there is a connection that might last a lifetime.

Dreamsicles

  

People collect things that they find interesting, I have a collection of Dreamsicles which were an angel figurine created by Kristen Haynes in the 90's and early 2000's.  My mother bought me the first and the collection grew from there.  Now I stumble across them in thrift stores or yard sales and pick them up but largely my collection is complete.  I don't collect anything else, just tiny little cherub looking angels with dried flower wreaths.  Why do I bring this up? Because I recently had to take them down to dust and I realized that one of my favorite Dreamsicles has been broken.  Stinking cat!  But alas, that is what super glue was invented for.

Desert Landscape

I took a road trip this weekend, just a weekend get-a-way to Arizona for a family members wedding.  Driving 9 hours through the desert gave me a different perspective.  California is the epitome of urban life.  Surrounded by buildings, smog, people, and cars, there is no time to breathe, no place to look around and take in the scenery.  I know the locals say, California is the perfect place, you can surf at the beach, snow-board in the mountains, and go dirt biking in the desert all on the same day.  Well local perspective aside, as we drove out, I began to feel less closed in, more able to turn my head to the left and right and not see buildings.  Slowly the city fell away and there were hours of desert driving.  No houses, no cars, no smog only the openness and shrubbery found in the desert.  Flanked on both sides by mountains and hills, I began to realize that my 16 years in California has helped me to crave the openness afforded by other parts of the country that I had previously taken for granted.

The wedding was beautiful, young love, wide eyed and eager to begin their life together as man and wife.
The chance to catch up with family  whom we have not seen in a while renewed that sense of connection.
The laziness of a vacation was refreshing to restore that sense of balance to life


But the best part of this trip was watching the desert landscape go by, hours of silence with children in the back attached to electronic devices, husband in the passenger seat napping. I in the drivers seat gazing at hundreds of miles of beautiful scenery and left to contemplate how much easier it is to breathe without the claustrophobic crush of city life.  

Images in my head

 I am a self proclaimed scaredy-cat
 I never watch scary movies
 I don't particularly like suspense movies
I avoid haunted houses and I might punch you if you jump out and try and scare me.

  That kind of entertainment is not my thing.  People will say to me things like "you have never seen the Halloween movies, sing songs like 1- -2- - Freddie's coming after you, quote scenes from Psycho or say RedRum."  I always reply, I am a chicken, I have never seen that movie.  "Never, Really? Oh you have to see them" and this is usually followed by their own personal favorite horror movies.  Some of them trying to convince me that they are not really scary, just suspenseful.  Ah-ha, I have traveled down that road before.  I was bribed into watching Silence of the Lambs in college by friends who said "come on, its not scary, just suspenseful, you are in Psychology so it will really interest you."  I did watch the movie, terrified and then had to go back to my dorm room way across campus, by myself.  I came in the room and inspected every closet and open space before settling into the realization that I would not be visited by Hannibal Lector during the night.  I changed for bed and then flung back my covers and a moth fluttered out from my bed.  Needless to say, no sleep that night!  The so called "suspense" of that movie was terrifying to me.  Never again was I conned into the lure of "suspenseful".

What people don't realize is that I am o.k. with being a scaredy-cat.  I have no need to build up a tolerance to that genre.  I don't want those images in my head.  I have such an active imagination anyway that giving my brain any more ideas is like fuel to the fire.  So feel free to not  send me your list of top 10 horror movie favorites, recommend the newest trilogy of novels written by Stephen King or try and convince me that I should really try them.  I will try and not convince you that sappy, chick flick, romantic comedy's are a much better alternative to the genre that you enjoy.

Celebrity Crush

Every television watcher gets a celebrity crush from time to time.  Sometimes it is with the character they play in a show or movie, sometimes it is just the physical eye candy that is out there.  Either way, from time to time there is a celebrity crush on our horizon.  Not that we think this person will magically come out of the t.v. screen and sweep us away to the Hollywood lifestyle that they live in, but just the day-dream of it all is enough to keep us going about our hum-drum lives.  How many books, movies and television shows have been written with the theme of the celebrity coming into contact with the local girl (or boy, but lets face it, its usually girl) and within the course of the show they fall in love.  Now back to reality, let me stroll down memory lane with a few of my celebrity crushes.

Channing Tatum
L.L. Cool Jay
Dwayne Johnson
Charlize Theron (hey we all have a girl crush)


  But today I found myself thinking about a television personality with whom none of my former celebrity crushes have anything in common.  In case you haven't noticed the pattern, tall and muscly is my thing.  I have become fascinated with The Big Bang Theory, oh yes, you guessed it! I have become a Sheldon Cooper fan.  No offense to Jim Parsons who plays the character, but the actor behind the character holds almost no interest for me.  With the minor exception that all you skinny, gawky, awkward kids who have a desire to become a movie star, don't let your dreams die.  There is room for all of you, you might need to let go of the illusion that you will be the Brad Pitt leading man role but it is never the Brad Pitt role that leaves the biggest impression, it is the side kick, pal and best friend, that captivates our hearts.  Case in point, the real life Jennifer Aniston went from Brad Pitt to Vince Vaughn.  Most ladies will take flawed and funny over perfection any day.  Perfection is hard to live with on a long term basis.

  Back to my Sheldon crush.  I rarely watch television, and even more rarely laugh out loud at anything on a sitcom.  However the comedic genius of Sheldon Cooper is one in a million.  O.K. lets address the gigantic Aspergers elephant in the room, the topic of is Sheldon or isn't Sheldon is a much blogged about debate.  Show creators are fairly quiet on the topic allowing people to make up their minds as they wish.  Well played Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady, labeling a character might bring picket signs or protesters to the set.  I have to believe that the AS person whom they worked with or went to school with and became the model for this character was a learning lesson for them, so naturally they wrote what was most interesting.  My Sheldon crush is not the carnal type of crush (lets be honest, what good would that do anyway?)  It is a motherly, protective type of affection.  The trouble with accessing the world of human emotions and social nuances is one that everyone needs help with from time to time.  The genius behind those minds who work at a whole different level than the rest of us bring us to an understanding of the world that we would not otherwise receive.  Assuming that most of the brilliant minds in the world are AS, what would happen if they were shut away and hidden for their differences.  (I hear the collective scream from all you Facebook junkies at the thought of that Asperger genius not being allowed to create his masterpiece.)  I applaud the network for handling different type of characters with the dignity that they deserve.  Making allowances for your friends that are different, have quirks or nuances to their personality that you adjust to is part of life.

Sure hearing him say Bazinga is awkward but watching the childlike grin that crosses his face at the thought of pulling a prank on someone is always endearing.  So for my celebrity crush of the moment, Sheldon Cooper takes the cake.  (I can almost hear him saying "What exactly does the expression mean anyway 'take the cake' clearly no one has baked a cake, and even if one could produce a cake, where exactly would it be taken" )

Sweet or Salty

  The world can be pretty easily divided into sweets or salty's.  Go to a party and observe those who hang out at the chip and dip section or those who nibble the dessert buffet.  In a convenience store you see people turn down aisle #2 for candy and chocolate or aisle #3 for chips, nuts and jerky.  People comment about how they are never tempted by sweets as they finish the bag of Doritos and lick the orange off their fingers.  Or those who proudly boast that salty snacks are really bad for your body and that they never have those all the while the empty Twix wrappers rattle in their purse.  You are either one of the other.  Learn to embrace your Sweet or Salty side.
   I am a sweet connoisseur, I can walk past any chip, dip, nuts and popcorn with no problem but if there is chocolate, candy bar, caramel or cotton candy then I will sample.   Sample is probably a oversimplification, I will seek them out, indulge and probably go in for round two if I think I can get away with it.  Yep, sweets are my thing!
  Holiday's seem to be geared toward sweet and salty snackers.
  Valentines Day, Easter, Halloween and Christmas are typically associated with chocolate and candy.
  New Years Eve, Independence Day, Labor Day and Memorial Day are known for b-b-q's which are typically associated with salty snacks.
  So if you had any doubt about which snacker you are, look in your purse or pantry and see if there are tell tale signs, if not, look on the calendar and see what holiday you are looking forward to.  If all else fails and you can't quite figure out which category you fall in, maybe this will help.   

Pushing on

Where do we as human's get the strength and power to push on, even when all we want to do is quit?  I thought about this a lot today.  I wanted to sleep, my body demanded rest to heal the sickness that has overtaken me, but no, it is Easter.  The one day of the year that Christians hold on to, it is kind of the reason we believe what we believe.  Jesus raised from the dead, the premise behind all that we hold as true.
So I drug my body out of bed
cleaned the house because the in-laws would be coming over after church
Made special breakfast because we always have a special breakfast on Easter
Gathered all the supplies for church
Put on my best Easter dress ( is it my imagination or is it a little snug through the hips? I will focus on that later)
Smiled and greeted everyone in their best Easter clothes
Explained for the millionth time that I was sick and didn't have a voice (sympathetic looks)
Ran children's church
Comforted a crying toddler
Directed families down the hall to the complimentary family photo
Directed children to the Easter Egg Hunt
Cleaned the church after everyone was gone
Came home and let the in-laws in the house while my husband went to preach at another Easter service
Did the left over dishes from yesterday so the kitchen was clean
Baby-sat the 3 new babies in the family while moms went to get food for bar-b-que
Directed people to necessary things in my house
Finally my husband came home and I excused myself to go rest a bit.

4 hours later I emerged.  Somehow my body knew it must push on, it stored up all of the energy it had and used it to get through the day.  I believe this is a decidedly human trait.  If an animal is sick, it crawls into a corner or safe spot and hunkers down until it is better, coming out only to eat or find leaves, roots or seeds that it can use as medicine.   Why do humans have to fight that natural instinct to hunker down and rest.  Pushing aside their bodies instincts, ignoring what has proven to make us better in the past.  Simply refusing to give in to the illness.  Why?  You don't see a cheetah that is infected with a parasite just get up and say to its mate, I can power through this, I will simply ignore it and it will go away.  NO, they listen to their bodies, follow their instincts and heal quickly.

I would like to take a lesson from the animal kingdom and hunker down, listen to my body and do what I know will make it better, but instead I will lay around what is left of today and then get up and go to work this week, run myself out of energy and this sickness will linger into next weekend.  Pushing on seems to be the human way.  Pushing our bodies to the brink of what they can handle and wearing the aches, pains and scars of it with pride.

Ode to sickness

Oh, the feeling of sickness creeping over your body.  Last night I had this tickle in my throat.  I chose to down some airborne and hope it was just sinus issues.  No luck, I woke up this morning and felt 50%.  Day-Quil became my friend today and got me through.  About 2pm my voice started sounded like a cross between a12 year old boy going through puberty and an old woman who smoked her whole life.  Gravely and kind of sexy, I wish it meant something other than the fact that I was getting sick.  But alas, I have succumbed to the sickness. Lousy timing but vitamin C and blueberries will be my friend.  Day Quil will help me survive and I am hopefully back in action on Monday.

April Fools

Today is one of my favorite holiday's.  April Fools, a day devoted to harmless tricks, it is way better than Halloween with all the scary costumes.  So today I got up and decided to enjoy the day on my terms.  I made a batch of rice crispy treats and added 1/2 cup of salt to the batch.  Since I am known for the treats that I bake, no one even questioned me, they just dove right in.  The looks were polite at first, then people started seeking each other out to see if they were the only ones who thought it was bad.  Finally I couldn't hold it in and shouted APRIL FOOLS, people knew they had been had and tossed the rest of the treat and any lingering bits from their mouth.  Since we were at church, they headed to find the donuts and clear their palate.  I noticed people being cautious when biting into the donuts, not wanting another April Fools prank.  This warmed my devious April Fools day heart!

P.S.  For all of you that don't plan your April Fools day pranks in advance, tomorrow is too late.  You missed it, so plan better next year and be careful of sweet church ladies carrying platefuls of rice crispy treats.